Mindset (IV): Relationships

“Relationship expert Daniel Wile says that choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems. There are no problem-free candidates,” (p. 154).

To reveal another distinction between the fixed and growth mindsets, let’s examine broken relationships in light of these two worldviews.

Broken Relationships: Fixed Mindset

People who see the world through a fixed mindset and were hurt by a broken relationship, “felt judged and labeled by the rejection. Permanently labeled. It was as though a verdict had been handed down and branded on their foreheads: UNLOVEABLE! And they lashed out,” (p. 145). Their focus was revenge.

Broken Relationships: Growth Mindset

For growth-mindset people, “… [a broken relationship] was about understanding, forgiving, and moving on.” The hurt was still there, but their focus was not revenge, but learning.


A blog on relationships in “mindset: The New Psychology of Success” is included in this series, because schools are social environments. Relationships abound; and Dr. Carol Dweck addresses relationships, friendships, shyness, and bullying in a manner that is cause for reflection.

Note: This blog is a brief introduction, not a detailed treatise, on Dr. Dweck’s writing on relationships. A reading of the book can provide more detail.

About drjstewart

Christian, husband, father, educator, writer, and photographer.
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